2018-03-31 Pain in the Park Lucky’s VQ Backblast

So I’m standing there minding my own business, as always…And here comes Lucky Charms saying hey Dean you got my backblast right? Doesn’t give me a chance to respond…I think he’s joking…and THEN he sends me this via Slack…

Still not sure how serious he was…but a once in a lifetime opportunity to write for Lucky Charms in first person…I guess I’ll take it…but Q’s beware, my admin assistant position is being outsourced effective April 1, 2018…the doors are officially shuttered after this backblast….

The following is to be read as if Lucky Charms himself wrote it…big text because it’s easier on the eyes…

Now before we get to what we did…it should be noted that this isn’t exactly my VQ….back when I was helping build the tower of Babel, we had something called F3, but it stood for Fighting, Fornicating, and Flashing…Which is why I got so confused my first time at this new “F3″…but I digress…Methuselah was actually my first FNG, so take that…(False new god..)

So, anyway to this F3 group it’s my VQ…I woke up this morning at 12:30 am, 2:30 am, 4:30 am to pee, each time excited as a school girl, but it wasn’t 5am yet…so after not being able to go back to sleep, I finally got out of bed at 5am…(Almost broke my hip) and then I took a leak and I was ready…I was able to sneak out past the guards at the senior home…and get into my model T and I was off…


Although, as Evil found out later and posted in mumblechatter, a silver alert was apparently issued…but when i got back to the home later, they took it down…so, upon arrival, at the Q site, I saw we had no FNGs, and at my age, a lawsuit would take longer to figure than I have left, so who needs a disclaimer…so we moseyed to the back of the auditorium for warmarama…It was at this time that the excitement got to me and I tinkled a little bit…Luckily (pun intented) I had my ladie’s depends on…they give me the support where I need it most (don’t judge)…

And we started with:

25x Side Straddle Hop

15x Stream Ripper (Was actually Abe Vigodas, and it’s actually Seam Rippers or Cotton Pickers…)

14x Sun Gods Sobriety Style each way

(Basically I stole Dean’s warmarama from yesterday…)  And several other exercises that I don’t remember.

So we moseyed to the bus pickup area for dips on the benches…I actually hadn’t planned this…but I had a stroke on the run to the track and the only way to not be embarrassed was to stop mid-way and do some dips…(Public service announcement similar to Red Hot’s about colonoscopies…)  Here are the signs of a stroke when I have my next one:

So then we went to the track where I tried to explain to the PAX our exercise for the day…it would consist of (3) stations…we started counting off by 3s where Kickback immediately went “4”…darn whippersnappers never listen!  My frustration (or arthritis, or both) immediately flared up…

So everyone would break into the (3) groups and do (3) pain stations at the “CORNERS”, yes corners, of the OVAL track…back in my day ovals had corners…So you start the station of your group number.  There is always one exercise to do that never changes.  The second exercise at each station was picked in order off of a list and done 20x.  Then you mosey and skip past a station to and do 25x the second exercise, so on and so forth until you get to 50 reps where then you mosey the entire track and skip a station (because being over 50 is hard!)…repeat until you get to 60x.  If you are confused, just wait until you’re my age…

The stations were:

Station #1 – Arms/Shoulders – Always 15x Merkins

Then Carolina Dry Docks

Plank Jacks

MahtarJis (spelling?)

and some other crap

This station led to several PAX being very angry at 50x Maktar Jis…

Station #2 – Legs – Always 10x Monkey Humpers (IC)…You know, I actually recall the days when my great grandfather, who was a monkey, was around…so i take offense to the name of this because I wouldn’t have been born without them…but I have evolved some since then…The below is the only surviving image I have of my great grandfather and grandfather…

Then Orangutan Squats (This is where someone noted to Flounder that he was doing more of a prayer squat…to which he responded, without missing a beat, that he was praying that he could get back up each time…well played…)

Lt. Dans

Prisoner Get-ups

Station #3 – Abs – Always 20x WWIs (Makes me nostalgic for the days I served in this conflict…interesting story is that I actually fought for both sides in this one…by the time the war started i was already in my 60s, and I was mad at whippersnappers on both sides, so I thought I would take a few out…and the poison gas…yea, that was me…)
Then LBC, Freddie Mercury, and Reverse crunches…

Dean’s form was commented on being terrible by Sprinkler…In my ridiculously long life, I have never seen form that poor…but In Dean’s defense, here is the video recording of Sprinkler running between stations.

At 7:15 and only 2/3 of the way through my group’s 60x prisoner get-ups, we moseyed to Far side’s tennis courts for mary’s…We did:

25x WWI on your own

Some other crap

30x American hammer led by sludge…at this point my blood sugar was too low to keep numbers straight to be able to count….

Then I brought out the Capri-Suns and Lucky charms…It’s actually lucky charms from the original box…so they are about 50 years old or so…spring chicks if you ask me…THE Pax loved this…

Here was Epstein:

Someone prayed us out…I forget who…you know back in the original F3 days, we had to pray to someone named Baal…oh how the times change…


Your Magically Delicious Q,

Lucky Charms


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