The Pax:   Fortran, Checkbook, Epstein, Blue Hen, Sludge, Dr. Evil, Gilmore, Pacer, Thin Mint, Kandi Kane, Dean, Crawdaddy, FloRida (QIC)

A baker’s dozen of water-resistant pax posted to Shelter One for 45 minutes of mumblecomplaining, punctuated by a few pushups. Thin Mint continued his perfect attendance streak at documented events, appearing today without 1.0 governance. Kandi Kane made it three out of four, firmly establishing his return to the pax.

The rain slowed to barely a drizzle, but the AO remained soaked. Dr. Evil graciously shared his mostly dry, if uncomfortably well-lit, convalescent center, and QIC challenged the pax to a picnic basket of bench exercises in Tabata format.

BTW, it’s Tah-Bah-Tah, staccato with each syllable equally accented.  Not tah-BAH-tah.  Nor TAH-bah-tah.  According to the man himself, at 0:07 of

WARMARAMA & exercise class

SSH – 15x IC
Cotton pickin’ seam rippers – 15x IC

Derkin Merkins (Begin in Decline Bench Plank, complete one Derkin, drop feet to ground for standard Plank, complete one Merkin. Return feet to bench and continue).  Quantity = a demonstration few.

Homer Marge Tabletop (lay on table with Six at the edge and legs horizontal in hyper-extended Homer, lift legs together to vertical Marge, slowly lower as far as possible back to hyper-extended Homer. Lift arms and hands off table for extra credit).  Quantity = a demo few.

Dip Kicks (Bench Dip with one leg lifted during the downstroke) – quantity = a demo few.

Reverse Step Up (stand with back to bench. Step backwards up onto bench, then step down to ground) – quantity = a demo few.

Shoulder Bridge Incline with Kick (shoulders on bench, heels on ground, body plank straight and facing up. Lift left leg straight up, then back to ground, repeat with right leg.  Works the posterior core) – quantity = a demo few.

Plank Irkins (a Sludge favorite – begin in standard Plank with head near bench. Hands up to Incline Plank on the bench.  Complete one Irkin.  Hands back down to ground in standard Plank.)  Quantity = a demo few.  Extra Credit to Crawdaddy for adding a Merkin at the bottom, and T-claps for his encyclopedic knowledge of Prince.

Pistol Sits (lift and straighten right leg in front while sitting down on bench using left leg. Stand up using left leg and return right leg to ground.  Similar to a pistol squat, but with a seat at the bottom.) Quantity = a demo few.  Warmed YHC’s heart to hear a debate between Dr. Evil and Fortran about whether it’s better to actually sit, or just graze the bench.  No debate at all from Epstein about two legs vs one.

After completing the tutorial, the Pax was ready to take on the THANG. Perform each of ten exercises for 45 seconds, with 15 second rest between each exercise.

1. Derkin Merkins
2. Homer Marge Tabletop
3. Dip Kicks
4. Reverse Step Ups
5. Groiners
6. Shoulder Bridge Incline with Kicks
7. Pistol Sits
8. Plank Irkins
9. Gorilla Humpers
10. Bobby Hurleys

Rinse and Repeat twice for a total of three laps.

Accompanied by a Spotify shuffle of rain songs – some appreciated and some less so. The groaning pax knows not which songs were deliberately excluded from the sample (you’re welcome), and which of the 22 songs included in the sample did not shuffle to the top of the list during the allotted time (if only we had time for two or three more laps).  YHC will only say that a minimum qualification of No Stripper References (a low standard) eliminates some hip-hop choices.  The pax is invited to suggest its favorite workout-accompanying rain songs in reply to the backblast.  Final thought on this matter: YHC’s disappointment at the Elvis backlash was surpassed only by his astonishment at the Milli Vanilli request.  Last year, it was Motown disrespect; this year, Elvis.  Really?  No interest in the classics?  You people probably did not read Hemingway and Mark Twain either.

Just enough time for Six Minutes of Mary:

• Box Cutters – 15 IC. Counting foul on Q.
• Reverse LBCs – 12 IC
• American Hammers – 20 IC.

Thoughts and Prayers:

Praise to Fortran and M and also to the AWOL Rainbow and Kenny-G for their work at the record-breaking Main Street UMC Chili Cookoff. Chipper, Sprinkler and Doubtfire also made appearances on the second shift cleanup crew.

Reminder from Gilmore to restart discussions with Children’s Home.

Prayers for Pacer’s neighbor facing brain surgery for a tumor.

Prayers for the Baker family struggling with cancer.

Always an honor to lead this inspiring group of #HIM.

FloRida