Pax: Dean, Epstein, Special Ed, Gilmore, Chipper, Tenderfoot, Deliverance, Checkbook, Hardy, Fanny Pack, Dr Evil, Sludge, Tramp Stamp
QIC’s cardiologist (FYI, that’s a heart doctor for the Under-35 Hate Patrol, and someday you’ll have one, too) advised that walking is the absolute best exercise. Following the good doctor’s orders, the Pax turned out early this drippy morning for some Mall Walking, sort of. Hush Puppies optional. With no FNGs, QIC went light on the disclaimer, coaxed Hardy out from under the rain shelter, and launched at 5:29.
Prudently limbering up before any exertion, the Pax moseyed to the lower school parking lot for a short WARMARAMA consisting of:
Side Straddle Hops, 15 IC
Cotton Pickers, 15 IC
Touchdown Squats, 10 as a group. Tclaps to all for clean form! Remember these, we’ll need them again at the Mega Beatdown.
Worst Humpers Ever (Gorilla Humper, Monkey Humper, Capuchin Humper) in honor of three Kvegas F3 founders.
Innate primate Dr Evil reported later that he discovered a new technique to smooth out the leg transitions on this one. See him for advice before your next Bungle in the Jungle.
With the Pax warmed up and stretched out, Gilmore led us out into the mall via Indian Lunge. Around the school to the guardrail. Um, that would be the FAR corner of the guardrail, Special Ed.
To the disappointment of the Pax, the mall escalator was out of service, leaving no choice but to pubcrawl up the hill to the second level using Broad Jumps punctuated by a Burpee at each bus line. Eager Dean leapt into action, only to discover that the rest of the Pax respectfully dropped for a burpee at the first line. Despite the absence of sanctions, because burpee-skipping is equally available to Sad Clowns, Dean maintained his integrity with a final burpee on the last black line at the top of the hill, when the rest of the Pax was holding Al Gore. After Sludge’s totally unsatisfying 10 count, the Pax gathered itself for another climb.
Still seeking the food court, the Pax pressed on with another pubcrawl, this time Bear Crawling up the hill, stopping only for a Merkin at each line in the No Parking zone. Seemed like a lot of Merkins. Did anyone count? Our goal was the Great Yellow Gate, but we ran out of lines, and the Q ran out of gas, a few feet short.
After gingerly stepping around the gate hazard, the Pax slow-moseyed to the track starting line to sample three pain stations:
Pullups – 5-10 complete ones, or until failure. Chipper is a piston – smooth, silent rock steady.
Then Run 100% All You Got Thundering Herd to the top of the first turn. Fanny Pack absolutely smoked these – Like The Flash.
Merkins – 20. Mix ‘em up – regular, wide, stagger, there’s even a hill for Derkins
Then Lunge a short one-twentyfourth of a mile to the halfway mark
Situps – 30 Your choice, WWI, WWII. Boer War maybe, or Invasion of Grenada?
Then Bear Crawl across the infield back to the starting line in order to:
Rinse and Repeat until time called after 3 1/3 laps.
Mosey to the Basketball court for Mary
Dolly and Rosie – 15 IC
Side Plank Hip Press – 10 IC each side
American Hammers – 25 IC
Gilmore encouraged all to join in the Sunday Night 2F at 421 Curb Market.
Prayers for Dr Evil’s co-worker who lost everything in a house fire.
Praise and Joy for Uncle Epstein, whose sister delivered a new baby girl.
Prayers for Epstein’s family re: Grandfather in hospital in Danville.
Gilmore took us out.
Fine Job, men! Always a joy to join you, an honor to be accepted, and a privilege to lead.