FlashBang Friday! September 22, 2017 Too Clever by Half

The Pax: Bondo, Dr. Evil, Checkbook, Deliverance, Sludge, Lucky Charms, Special Ed, Sprinkler, Blue Hen, Flounder, Crawdaddy, Gilmore, Chipper, Trampstamp, Hardee, Dean, Pacer, Tarde, Spurrier, FloRida (QIC)

From the Lexicon:    CLUSTERQ: An abomination of a Q that elevates the self-confidence of all other PAX in attendance, thereby convincing PAX on the fence that they couldn’t possibly do worse than THAT guy, leading to an influx in Q signups.

A workout structured around the rigid Autumnal Equinox, the date with exactly 12 hours of daylight and 12 hours of darkness, quickly collapsed into an amorphous ClusterFrog of motion and mumblechatter which may or may not have produced some fitness gains among the Pax.

Side Straddle Hops, 12x IC, Check
Helicopters, 12x IC,  OK
Cotton Pickers 12x IC.  All good so far
and then it fell apart with… Whizzers – A four count standing exercise:  1) lift right leg straight out to side to 45 degrees, 2) then as far up to the side as possible. 3) Lower to 45 and then 4) return to ground.  Sounds good on paper and works when YHC does a few OYO at random, but a complete fail when executed In Cadence.  Not least because YHC cannot maintain balance.   Thanks to Blue Hen (or was it Sprinkler?) who stepped into the center of the circle to prop up YHC.  Too bad, because, done correctly, it demands a lot from the Oblique muscles.

Putting that behind, the Pax proceeded to the playground, stopping to deliver the milk along the way. Special Ed disclosed dietary restrictions or conscientious objector status or some other reason to avoid participation here.

12 exercises, 12 reps each, toting up to a Gross. The objective was a variety of difficult exercises, some new to the Pax, which would prove challenging even in a low-rep sequence.  The execution was a tangle of insufficient instructions, inaccurate names, and general WTF.

  1. Pullups – no confusion here. Whew!
  2. Pistol Squats – on one leg. Tclaps to Dean, who, not knowing a Pistol Squat from a Glock, kept moving forward with his own version of what a Pistol Squat ought to be.
  3. Inchworms – A consequence of good form is the revealing of any skin adornments on the lower back. Not that any of our Pax have angel wings, filigree or any other beltline decorations back there.
  4. Curl & Press with Milk Jugs – Sprinkler and YHC each relying on the other to keep count here. Could go on all day.
  5. Worst Humpers Ever – a nod to Dr Evil, inventor of the Gorilla Humper. Begin with one Gorilla Humper, then one Monkey Humper, then one LB Humper with feet close together. Keep hands on heels the entire time.
  6. 12 Times Table – From your Six, use your legs to write the numerals for multiples of 12 up through 144. A glorious opportunity to throw shade at the Pax graduating from rival schools. Spurrier and Clemson took a particular beating on this one. YHC is stunned that Tar Heel Haters (#THH) Dean and Gilmore were quiet.

Crawdaddy politely expressing no smug satisfaction about the anarchy, which might have been a bit of déjà vu, given his recent backblast describing a Dumb and Dumber workout.

  1. Standing Flamingo with Milk Jugs – From a standing position, lift both arms, holding jugs, straight to sides and up as far as possible. Sludge, perhaps sore that YHC opted out of his Wednesday Poison Ivey Q, was quick to note that Flamingo usually referrs to standing on one leg, and that YHC’s lack of perfect attendance was the proximate cause of the misnomer. Admittedly, Standing Seagulls, or simply Standing Flies, would be a more accurate name. Whatever you call it, done correctly, with palms down and arms straight, the motion delivers a sweet burn to the deltoids, trapezius and supraspinatis.
  2. Jump Ups – Bondo, now conditioned to expect something really exotic, was crestfallen to learn that these are simply jumps up on a low wall.
  3. Plank Destroyer – a devilish exercise popularized by Sludge and dangerous in the hands of an inexperienced Q. Makhtar N’Daiye + Merkin + Shoulder Tap + Peter Parker + Zebra Kick Plank Jack. This exercise is not yet in the Exicon, where YHC could have referenced it and called it correctly.  Today, YHC submitted it to The Nation for inclusion, crediting Sludge. Maybe next time.
  4. Double Dips – four count with alternating legs up while in the descend. Flounder quietly working through the exercises like a journeyman. Mouth shut, heart rate up, muscles pumping!
  5. Exploding Lt Dans – Checkbook, still sorting out the Exicon, which can be confusing even when used correctly, gamely soldiered, limiting his WTF? to only his facial expression.
  6. Pike Up – from the six, start at Homer, then Marge, then hands up to shins, then shoulders down, then legs back down to Homer. Works the whole range of abs if you go slow and push high. Deliverance showing poster-boy form here.
  7. Burpees – a short run away at the shovel flag. Or where the shovel flag would be if it was planted. Blue Hen high stepping in his new kicks – maybe he’ll make a runner after all. The goal was 12 exercises, but my 2.0 the baker taught me to always throw in one extra.

Complete one cycle and start into the second before time called. Grab a jug (or two in Chipper’s case) and deposit them in the truck and on to the Basketball court, where the energetic Gilmore, not satisfied with the pace, was ready to step into the circle and shepherd the Pax through Mary.  QIC arrived just in time to gain control again and run through:
LBCs 12x IC
Cindy Crawfords 12x each side IC
American Hammers 24x (Whoa!  Caught some of the pax off guard here.)

Circle of Trust
Lucky Charms, age 59, offered up his 5 birthday burpees. Closing in on Double Respect, which inspired the Pax to join in.  Except Gilmore, who did 22 Merkins instead. And Dr. overachEvil, who did both!

Short service project moving a little furniture after Saturday’s workout. The Pax is strengthened by the knowledge that Pacer will attend and wear his utility belt.

Prayers for Mall Cop’s 2.0, Radar & friends, ToTo blessing the rains

Again, from the Lexicon — FAILURE: An undesirable Outcome that strengthens the Leadership Foundation

Lessons Learned:

  1. Test under real life conditions – a few random Whizzers are fun, but they were never tested In Cadence
  2. One new thing at a time – release new procedures, new techniques, new exercises slowly and allow time for absorption.
  3. Ask for help. Or at least accept it when offered – YHC couldn’t remember the correct Plank Destroyer sequence, and instead of asking the expert, concocted a new and less effective sequence and stubbornly stuck with it despite correction.
  4. Simple, Lean, Elegant – Unnecessary complexity is prone to collapse on itself.
  5. Try Stuff – some will succeed (Double Dips and Worst Humpers Ever). Some will not (Whizzers).
  6. Do the After Action Review – promptly, candidly, thoroughly. Always. Always. Always!

Always an honor! FloRida